Singapore ranks among top
in world rankings for standard of living and development. But not known to many
is that Singapore is also infamous for it’s ranking of cyber bullying (second
in the world, only behind the US). An in-depth analysis of the issue revealed
that the root cause of cyber bullying was the lack of due recognition of it as
being a ‘problem’. In recent times
however, the government has taken due steps such as passing a bill to allow
judiciary actions against offenders, to address the issue. Yet such measures
seems to be inadequate in addressing the issue at hand. Both the occurrence and
effects of cyber bullying take its biggest toll at teenagers and adolescents. Current
measures that focus primarily on adults are not comprehensive in tackling the
issue. Effective communication is key in resolving the issue. However being a
largely conservative Asian society, social stigma does exist within the
society, which avoids open discourse about the issue. A holistic solution would
then be a partnership between the Ministry of Education (MOE), Ministry of
Community, Youth and sports (MCYS) and parents. The aim is to create a cohesive
society where individuals believe in edifying one another. This reduces the
intent to commit the act as well as provide the atmosphere where treatment can
be better administered.
Bullying is known to
leave severe psychological effects on teenagers and adolescents. Self-
mutilations, depression, and withdrawal from social activities are just a few
effects that come from bullying. With the ever-increasing usage of social
media, bully has evolved from physical contact to that of cyber contact. The
difficult issue of handling cyber-bullying is the lack of its definition as a problem.
The common perception that what happens online is regarded as “child-play” and
often glimpsed over. There is also a
lack of awareness of the various acts that constitute cyber bullying. Different people hold different perceptions
to what constitutes cyber bullying. However the effects of it are still equally
devastating regardless however minute the act might be.
While acknowledging that
bullying, whether online of offline, is an age-old problem that is hard to
tackle, the social stigma associates cyber bullying with shame and trivial hampers
any form of solution. To address the problem at its roots, the only way is to
change the mind-set of people via proper education. Acknowledging the issue at hand was a right
step forward, when the harassment bill was endorsed by parliament in 2013. But
yet in general, the Singapore public avoids any form of discourse over the
issue. By openly discussing the issue,
would allow the average Joe on the street to view the implications of
cyber-bullying objectively. Open discussion would also allow for any misconceptions
to be clarified. This would eliminate the shame or trivial that is currently
attached to cyber bullying.
Since children spent most
of their time in school, it is important to address the issue there. MOE should firstly implement guidelines and
syllabuses to educate students about cyber bullying and it’s effects. Since
most students who are affected by the cyber bullying are often at the age of
adolescents, many of them commit the offence unknowingly and without full
awareness of the impact. Hence schools play a vital role in transmitting
correcting and educating their students about cyber-bully.
Although the
effectiveness of such a policy might be vague and hard to measure, it is
important and vital that it be carried out. Education plays an important role
changing the mindsets of people who form the foundation for a cohesive society.
While it might take a long time and is definite not as effective as a direct
law that bans cyber bullying, it is a solution that is comprehensive. Moreover
schools are often where the most social interactions occur among the targeted
group of teenagers. Hence teachers with proper training can identify victims
and counsel them before any greater wreckage occurs.
1. What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific. (precise vocabulary, cohesive/linked ideas, clear/easy to follow discussion, convincing, effective reasoning/argument, well-developed ideas, well-supported topic sentences, understandable transitions, etc.)
ReplyDelete>> Very coherent points, points linked to one another smoothly.
>> Very specific example i.e. Singapore context
2. Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?
>> Introduction paragraph could be shortened - present the thesis statement clearly, perhaps
>> However, you have a very clear topic discussed throughout the essay - the issue of cyber-bullying in Singapore
3. How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?
>> Good elaboration on "public education" to address the issue of cyber-bullying... by increasing awareness and to abolish the "taboo" to allow people to talk about the problem more openly
4. How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome?
>> Not yet included right hehe!
5. Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?
>> Actually the MOE has implemented guidelines in the education system - how children should be aware of this cyber-bullying issue and how to prevent oneself from getting into such a situation... maybe you could find flaws in this implementation and suggest how to enhance it?
>> Even though they have introduced this into the education system for a while, inviting speakers to talk about cyber-bullying, people still do engage in such unhealthy and harmful behavior and some people still get affected by such harassment. So... how do we effectively tackle this issue?
6. Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?
>> Have not seen any references yet but could tell you got good information from external resources :)
7. What is your impression of the flow of the content?
>> Concise yet informative
>> Smooth transition in bringing up the topic of cyber-bullying, the social stigma that is associated to the issue and finally, the solution presented i.e. how people should approach this problem with a broader mind
8. Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing? Underscore/ highlight these.
>> Nope. It was all clear and straightforward.
9. Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines?
>> (Ermm... not applicable yet haha)
10. Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?
>> As mentioned, shorten the intro para and present the thesis statement more clearly... perhaps include the main issue that would be addressed
>> Could add statistics provided by the government to support your points and make it more convincing that the young children are the most vulnerable ones to cyber-bullying
>> Maybe could suggest how to quantify your solution as well as the outcomes? Because like mentioned, it would be hard to measure... so to convince the society that the solution would be effective, could operationalize "increasing awareness" and define the terms / variables of "public education" solution more clearly
It's a good essay though and hope my points help to improve it, in any little way HAHA. Well done!! :)
1. What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific. (precise vocabulary, cohesive/linked ideas, clear/easy to follow discussion, convincing, effective reasoning/argument, well-developed ideas, well-supported topic sentences, understandable transitions, etc.)
ReplyDeleteThere are specific agents of stakeholders in the essay. You also narrowed your thesis statement to as specific as it can be.
2. Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?
You presented a clear problem, that is cyberbullying among teenagers and adults. However I feel that your paragraph is too lengthy because you attempted to summarise your whole essay. Your thesis statement is also clear, but it is in the middle of your paragraph. The last two sentences of your paragraph could be in the body when you explain the stakeholders.
3. How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?
I cannot find your existing solution in the body paragraph besides the intro. I feel that you elaborated your fist solution more in the introduction. What you can do is to separate the existing solution (i.e. passing a bill) from the intro and create a paragraph on its own.
4. How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome?
Second solution (education) is more clearly elaborated with specific actions and stakeholder to effect the change. It is connected to a positive outcome that is also feasible to execute.
5. Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?
I feel that you need to elaborate further on the existing solution. You might want to expand on how and why regulative laws such as passing a bill (is it anti-harrassment law?) leads to ineffectiveness.
6. Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?
N.A
7. What is your impression of the flow of the content?
Flow of content is easy to follow, with some use of transition words between paragraphs.
8. Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing? Underscore/ highlight these.
Refer to point 3. You need to separate and explain your existing solution as a new body paragraph.
9. Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines?
N.A.
10. Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?
Overall essay is relatable and easy to follow. Things to improve on is:
- Body paragraph for existing solution
- Intro can be shorten
- Thesis statement can be located at the end of the intro paragraph
- Conclusion to restate/reinforce that education is better than regulation